It's taken me a long time to understand that, and it feels like I only just understood it while writing these words today, even though I know that I had this knowledge all along. My biggest learning this year is that it is very hard to let go of the patterns I created for myself. There is a sense of grieving the Raphaëlle I have lived with for a long time and learning to let her go, a part of her still very much a part of me.