I went to yoga class feeling a bit blue two days ago. I have been feeling emotional and keeping to myself so when the teacher (and my friend) Antonia asked me at the end of class how I was (as she looked straight into my eyes) I felt myself crumble a little inside. Being vulnerable is so damn hard but when the door opens it feels like I'm stepping into the me who wants to be seen and heard but is too scared to do so. I am not the kind of person who can be candid with just anyone who is ready to listen so when I am being vulnerable it is with someone I deeply feel connected to and in whom I see a bit of myself.
Antonia is such person. I met her when I first moved to Seville. She owns Lashala, the first yoga studio where I went to practise when I arrived in Seville and I felt instantly welcome by her and connected. She is a beautiful woman with an amazing energy and a wonderful yoga teacher. I remember secretly hoping that, one day, I would teach at her studio, and now I am. Life is so funny...
I think Antonia sensed that I was not feeling 100% that day, and she suggested we went for breakfast. We had a lovely time together and opened up to each other over delicious freshly made juices. She said something so true and beautiful, something which has been on my mind for the past week (with my own patterns and with regard to other people in my life) so when her words came out it completely resonated with me; Knowledge can be obtained by and, is available to, anyone but wisdom is what you do with that knowledge.
I have been feeling like I have all the tools, all the knowledge, but I have a hard time making the shift. I know how to 'fix' what is preventing me from reaching my full potential, yet I cling on to this version of me who still suffers because I have lived like that for so long that I struggle to let go of her. It's incredibly hard, harder than I imagined. But I keep breathing, meditating, reading and practising so that everyday I get a little closer to the wisdom behind the knowledge.